Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
