Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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