I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
