Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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