Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
