If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
