i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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