Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
jump out the window naked night went bad
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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