She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
