Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
