If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
