I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
