I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
