They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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