The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
