Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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