Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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