He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
