Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
