I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
