i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
