One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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