My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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