Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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