I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
