Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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