I wish I only lived at night.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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