Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize