There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
