Please, let me fuck your mom
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
