Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
