My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
