we're blogging at a bar
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
