my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
