So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
