I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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