I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
