I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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