this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he was CRYING into my vagina
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
