Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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