the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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