we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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