I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i've created a new STD.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize