Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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