hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
