why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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