My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
