I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
