I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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