girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize