i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
