Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
