..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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