You work out of a Hotel?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
