I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
