Your dad touched me again.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I've blown a few things in my day
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
