Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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