I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
