im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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