I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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