I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
someone owes me an orgasm
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
