Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
