I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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