My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize