I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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