I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
