whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
