the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
