Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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