I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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