Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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