it's great music for shaving your balls
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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