hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
