upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
