i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
