OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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