If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
