How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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