i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize