So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
