How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
