Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
