I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
